


Alternate Scenes for Continuing to Heal

by Jenna_the_Damaged



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:46:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenna_the_Damaged/pseuds/Jenna_the_Damaged
Summary: The way I write causes me to often end up with entire scenes that don't follow the main story. I'll post them here as stand alone short stories. They also won't be as obsessively worked on so are more likely to have typos, plot holes and possibly WTF moments.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Pink Diamond, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Messing With Steven's Brain

Steven, Amethyst and Pearl were watching tv. Steven suddenly felt a very strong and very familiar experience that caused him to suddenly blurt out, "Oh my stars!" He slapped a hand over his mouth as though that would take back the exclamation and leapt up. "I really need to go to the bathroom!"

Closing the bathroom door behind himself, he said in a loud whisper, "what did you just do?!"

From inside his head, and sounding rather proud of himself, Pink replied, _*The last time Connie gave you...her special handshake... I paid attention to what was happening in your brain at the time so that I could replicate it directly in your brain for on demand pain relief.*_

"Well I want you to put a big X on whatever spot you just hit... and hit it like 4 more times because oh my stars you are a genius!"

Proud of how impressed he'd made Steven, he gladly obliged and Steven's knees buckled and he slid down the wall to bask in the feelings. 

"Steven," came Pearl's voice from the other side of the bathroom door, "are you all right?"

Steven managed to get out a, "I'm fine. Go away!" before another awesome shockwave hit him.

"Steven, I won't be satisfied until someone checks on you!"

The word 'satisfied' was hilarious to him in his current state, so there was a bit of laughing sprinkled throughout his next words, "Fine, you can send in Garnet, but nobody else!"

Pearl immediately called Garnet, saying, "something is going on with Steven and he says he'll only let you in the bathroom to check on him." Her tone clearly conveyed how very offended she was with that.

A few minutes later, Garnet was at the bathroom door. She could hear chuckling and she thought maybe a moan or two from inside. "Steven, I'm here. I'm going to join you in there, ok?"

"Fine, but don't let anyone else get in here, please."

Steven's voice sounded a little 'off' to her, but she obliged, shooing Pearl back a bit so she could slip into the bathroom alone. 

She didn't know how to interpret seeing Steven sitting with his back against the bathroom wall, looking like his bones had all turned to jelly and with a big dopey grin on his face.

"Steven, Pearl is worried that something is going on with you, and I have to agree that you are looking very different from your usual self."

Dopey grin widening, Steven explained, "Pink's been playing around with my brain and he found a spot in it that makes everything awesome." A shiver ran the length if his body. 

Garnet wasn't 100% sure what Pink must've been doing, but decided that it was none of their business if it made Steven happy. She would inform Pearl that she should just let him be. She turned to go back out but as her hand touched the doorknob, she heard Steven say, "It's okay, Pink. This is an awesome way to die." She squatted down to his eye level in front of him.

"What?"

Steven giggled, which Garnet did not think a good sign, considering the situation. "Pink was just saying I might die because he can't shut it off and my heart still isn't strong enough. He wanted me to feel better and it worked because I feel really good... except for my legs because I can't feel those any more" giggle "but really, I don't need to walk anyway."

"Pink, talk to me."

"Ooh, Pink! You're in trouble!" Steven said in a sing song voice between giggles.

"Garnet! What's going on?" Pearl called from the other side of the closed bathroom door. "Why didn't he want me in there?"

"Pearl, I'm handling it." Garnet aimed towards the closed door before turning her attention back to Steven. "Pink, talk to me right now!"

A brief pink glow came to Steven's mouth and it growled, "I can fix this! Just give me a minute!" The pink glow faded and the dopey grin returned to Steven's mouth.

"It's dangerous to go tweaking a human's brain!"

Another brief Pink glow and "Where were you 10 minutes ago when that would be useful?"

"I, for one, totally approve of the human experimentation and give it 2 thumbs up...but I can't feel my arms." More giggling.

"Pink!"

Steven started flopping an arm back and forth like it was dead weight. He then reached out a numb arm and floppily patted her knee, attempting a serious tone, "There, there, it'll be alright because I feel great" More giggles. 

"Steven, you're really worrying me. "

A confused expression on his face, "But why? I feel so good. Even better than when I shattered Jasper, but this time nobody had to almost die. But you're worried and Pink's being so grumpy, even though I've got no pain. Not even the ripping apart pain" Steven's eyes widened as he got an inspiration look on his face, "I should pull out my gem."

Garnet stilled Steven's hand as she said, "No!", and internally Pink yelled the same, causing Steven to flinch.

"You don't have to yell inside my head!" He looked earnestly at Garnet, "If I do it right now it won't hurt."

"Then how would Pink-"

"Oh, that's right. He'd still feel it. Can't do that to him. It hurts so much!" Garnet had planned to ask how Steven expected Pink to heal him if they separated, but anything that got him to stop trying to remove his gem was fine with her. Steven stilled a moment before saying, "Sure."

Steven started to glow pink, including his eyes as Pink took control. Garnet looked at him expectantly. "I was trying to find a way to help lessen the pain he's in and there's this part of his brain that releases something when he-" Pink paused a moment, not sure how a non doped up Steven would want him to say this, "when Connie is helping him feel really good, and I thought I could adjust it to send out a steady trickle to just take the edge off a bit. But he reacted so positively to the sensation of my manipulating it that I got a little overzealous and.." he got a frustrated look, "it's stuck in overdrive."

"What can be done?"

"I can think of 2 options, perhaps your future vision can help us determine which has the better chance of success or to think of a 3rd option. Option one is we destroy that part of the brain and trust that I'll still have enough of a connection to heal it so it grows back to its normal state or option 2 is, and I don't believe I'm going to suggest it, but we go with drunk Steven's suggestion and separate us. Hopefully, he won't feel it in his current state, so that'd be at least a small blessing and I have him as stable as I'm capable, so my departure shouldn't affect him except in the normal way that he is weakened by our separation. But if we separate, then we can try to fuse as two separate beings and that might fully restore us back to a fully joined state."

"From your description, it sounds like action 2 would be our best bet so why is it not option 1?"

"Last time we were separated, his organic self nearly died & I don't know if it was separation itself or also the violent manner in which it occurred. If it's the separation alone then there's a possibility that separation, even when numbed as he is, could cause his body to shut down before we can be rejoined. "

"And the risks with option one?"

"With option 1, the risk is that I am unable to restore that portion of his brain and he will no longer be capable of feeling pleasure nor will his body be able to decrease pain when injured."

Garnet stilled and, after a moment, "option 2 seems to have more chances to go well. But he said you'd be hurt."

"It's just pain and, at least on my side, minimally damaging. However, wait 2 minutes after my glow's faded before removing me from Steven. I will attempt to withdraw as much of myself as possible back into my gem. I also recommend that you situate him in a better supported position because I'm currently the only thing causing him to remain upright and him toppling over could cause an injury."

Garnet lifted Steven and sat with her back against the bathroom wall, resting him between her legs so that he was stabilized. The pink glow faded about a minute prior and Garnet moved her hands to Steven's gem in preparation. Steven's head rolled back to rest against her shoulder, his body floppy as a ragdoll but still slightly conscious. 

As the 2-minute mark passed, Garnet began removing Steven's gem at the same time that Pearl flung open the door with Amethyst and Greg standing beside her. Not knowing what was going on, they looked horrified as they saw Steven's gem separate from his body.

Before they could gather breath to speak, Steven's gem began to glow and raise up into the air. It briefly passed through glowing white shapes of first Pink Diamond, then Rose Quartz, then a small Steven shape before finally shifting to an adult male. He appeared similar to how Steven had looked when mid training with Jasper.

He immediately knelt down beside Garnet and Steven. In that few moments of separation, Steven had already acquired a little bit of a gray tinge to his flesh and appeared unconscious. Pink hesitantly reached out to touch Steven on the arm, sighing slightly in relief of finding Steven still alive. The slight contact between them caused Steven to open his eyes. He looked and marveled at Pink's appearance. 

"You look amazing!" Steven reached an unsteady hand out towards Pink's face.

Pink captured Steven's hand and brought it the rest of the way to his cheek, saying "if I do, it's your fault" with a smile. "So, feel like getting back together?"

Steven's eyes lit up in eagerness, "well, you are the only part of me I like," but then, as Pink scooped Steven out of Garnet's arms and stood back up, a frown crossed Steven's face, "but are you sure you want to pollute yourself with me?"

A matching frown came to Pink's face. "Steven, you're going to need to work on that negativity. There's nobody else in this universe that matters to me like you do. And who better to help you learn to love you than someone who completely loves you already?" Pink pressed his lips to Steven's forehead. The 2 began to glow and merge together in an increasingly bright light.

What externally seemed to happen in the blink of an eye seemed longer from the inside. Steven looked as his counterpart, hands linked between them, and felt the strength, vitality, confidence and love flowing into himself in a steady flow from Pink. Meanwhile, Pink could feel a wider array of emotions, creativity, and empathy and compassion for people other than just Steven flood into himself. Both closing their eyes with looks on their faces of someone finally home after a long time away, they blurred together and the 2 halves fit perfectly together to once again finally be whole.

When the light dimmed enough for everyone to see, there stood before them Steven Universe. He looked a little taller than before and perhaps a bit more stubble on his face but otherwise unmistakably looking like himself. The group converged in a group hug around him. Tears of joy flowing freely. 

Upon opening his eyes, the first thing Steven said was, "Connie!" Everyone followed his gaze to see that Connie had just arrived and was standing outside the bathroom, unmoving and wide-eyed.

"I texted her that something was happening with Steven, " Amethyst quietly commented as explanation. 

The group parted to allow Connie's approach. Neither Connie nor Steven's eyes wandered from being locked in a mutual stare. She paused in front of him, needing to look up slightly to keep her eyes on his face. She hesitantly reached a hand up, as though to touch his cheek, but paused before making contact. "Steven?"

With a grin that Connie knew from what seemed an eternity ago, Steven pulled her hand to his cheek and said, "It's me. It's finally 100% me!" And he reached an arm around Connie's waist to lift her up and spin her around the thankfully now cleared out bathroom.

Connie's face was glowing with joy as she could feel in her heart without any doubt that her Steven was back. She stretched her face towards his and Steven didn't need any further prompting to bring his face down to meet hers in a kiss. 

After some time passed and Steven & Connie ended their kiss, Connie had stars in her eyes. 

Steven then addressed the group, including Connie, "And guess what else?" Without waiting for an answer, Steven glowed white in a flash and then there were 2 Stevens. Pink Steven looking like he did in the few minutes before the fusing and organic Steven, looking like a much healthier version of who he'd been a handful of minutes prior. The Stevens were standing side by side with only the fingertips of one of their hands in contact with each other. 

Organic Steven spoke, "That didn't hurt! It was as easy as unfusing with anyone else. And then you've got me, still with my mental health issues, but otherwise 100% healthy and Pink...well he's maybe a teeny bit more interested in the rest of humanity but otherwise the same as he was a few minutes ago." Steven then turned to look at Pink, "but I wonder." They separated fingertips. Pink kept his hand in place while Steven slowly moved his hand away horizontally until there was no more than 3 hand-widths between their palms. Steven held still for half a minute until Pink realized something was wrong reached out and took Steven's hand. Steven's knees wobbled very slightly and he blinked a couple times as their fingers threaded together. "That felt terrible." Steven took in and out a deep breath before adding, "No wandering off for either of us." And then with, unspoken agreement, they glowed and fused back into each other as a single Steven Universe. 

"And now back with power, empathy, unfortunately still some mental problems and everything else back in one package." Running his eyes over everyone, Steven opened his arms and did a quick spin. "So what do you guys think?"

"You look good, dude!"

"You're going to need new clothes," Pearl commented, tugging on his shirt where it exposed his midriff and his gem. Then she stood directly in front of Steven, giving the shirt a stronger tug as she asked, "Why didn't you want me in there with you!?"

A mischievous smile came across Steven's face, "well, I figure Garnet has seen some stuff in her future vision that might prevent awkward encounters, but she still would've seen the awkward stuff anyway, so she could probably roll with most things that could come up." Steven's smile widened for reasons Pearl didn't know, "I was worried you might poof from the awkward inappropriateness of the situation. I'll gladly give you more details, but know it's not my fault if you cringe yourself into poofing."

"There are a few paths where you'd succeed, but don't do it," from Garnet. 

"Aw, you're no fun. I thought-"

"I'm still the cool mom, just no intentionally cringing Pearl into poofing."

A small sigh and Steven said to Pearl, "While I was still capable of reason, I didn't know there was any danger, but I did know you'd likely be more focused on the awkward and I'd be embarrassed and in case Amethyst wonders I'm pretty sure you might've spent too long laughing, too. I trusted Garnet to be able to handle the situation. If you want more details, you'll have to get some from Garnet so she can make sure they won't scandalize you."

Turning to Connie, "I'll tell you about it later. In private. In fact..."

"No"

"Aw, Garnet, Connie should get the chance to examine thoroughly everything that's changed ...and hasn't." He was giving Connie flirty eyes, then looked back towards Garnet, "You're really losing cool points today. I mean they're still outweighed by the whole saving my life thing but you could've been cool on top of that. Omg, that made me think of so many jokes... I can't use... I'm just gonna... sit down," and went to the couch and sat down. 

Meanwhile, Pearl looks like she's going to poof from the frustration of not knowing what's going on

Connie sat beside Steven on the couch. "Can you stay and hang out?"

"Are you serious? I'm not going anywhere!"

Steven smiled at that. "So, I'm back in balance, but do I look ok for you?"

"You're perfect." And she reached up to pull his head to hers for more kissing.

"So we're just going to leave it that my son almost died and nobody's going to tell me what happened?"

"Don't worry Dad, I'll tell you about it later. I probably can't tell Amethyst though because I think she'd tell Pearl just to see her cringe herself poofed. Though I could see Amethyst maybe poofing from laughing so hard. Omg so many jokes I can't use right now!" Steven turned to Connie, there's more to the story that I can tell you later, but I could whisper the punchline in your ear..." Connie turned her head to offer an ear. Steven paused a moment to make sure Garnet wasn't going to stop him, then cupped his hands around Connie's ear and whispered "Pink did some brain fiddling that basically almost caused me to orgasm to death"

Connie's entire body turned so red it shouldn't be medically possible. She looked at him wide eyed and just managed to get out, "Seriously?"

Steven's grin got bigger and he replied, "Not a bad way to go, is it?"

Connie's scientifically impossible red somehow seemed to get redder. "Connie, I know you're not a gem and you can't poof, but I don't want you having a stroke or som-"

Steven stopped as another wordplay issue came to mind and Connie looked at him, apparently having the same thought, and they both burst out laughing, Steven starting to look a bit red himself. 

"Man, this blows! I want to know what's so funny! What possible way could you almost die that could also be that funny!?"

Steven turned to face Amethyst and said, "if Garnet allows it, it would be my pleasure to tell you all about it." Steven barely made it through the sentence and both he and Connie were seized by more laughter. Amethyst looked toward Garnet whose composure finally cracked and she began to laugh as well.

"Man, you guys suck if you don't let me in on this!" She couldn't understand why she seemed to have made the laughing even worse 

"Ok. Seriously, I think I'm going to strain something if we don't get this laughing under control, so nobody speak for a minute, ok?" Steven had to gasp that out between laughs. Mirthful tears overflowed his eyes while both Amethyst and Pearl stood looking irritated and Greg, knowing Steven would tell him everything later, just enjoyed seeing his son looking so happy for the first time in seemingly ages.


	2. After Messing With Steven's Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This alternate version is immediately after the alternate version posted before this. You'll see more of aspects of things that get repurposed later.

A chuckle as Steven leaned back on the couch. "I think I might actually still be kind of buzzed from the situation." A giggle escaped him. "Seriously?" he seemed to be saying to nobody in particular. But it quickly became apparent he was talking to his gem. "I mean, it's at least a little funny."

A glow and then Pink was standing in front of a dopey grinned Steven, holding one of his hands. "No, it's not!"

"What's going on?" Connie demanded. 

With a giggling slump over to lean on her, Steven said, "It didn't work." And he broke into another fit of giggles. 

Garnet rapidly approached Pink for an explanation. Before she could even ask, he supplied, "my powers aren't recognizing it as an injury or sickness because it's a gland meant to excrete a particular substance and that's what it's doing, it's just not supposed to do so in the quantities it's producing."

Garnet could see Pink was furiously thinking towards finding a solution so, to give him a minute, she turned her attention towards Steven and Connie, who was asking, "but then why did you seem ok for a bit?"

With a bit more of a lean onto Connie's side, he mused, "I wonder if this is what drunk feels like." At a swat to the arm and a stern saying of his name from Connie, Steven attempted to gather himself and said, "I think when we initially fused, it took more energy or more things were shifted around to fix them and it burned up the excess so it had to build up again."

"And you didn't notice?" Though the words might seem accusatory, her tone wasn't, as she fully expected to be supplied an explanation and she was. 

"I just thought it was like a residual buzz from whatever was left in my system."

"And it built up again so quickly?"

"Well, I'm in better health and so there's not as much pain for it to counter." Connie saw Steven suddenly transition from a relaxed, smiling face to a very serious face turning towards Pink and squeezing his held hand. "No."

Pink stilled and Connie realized he'd been loosening his grip on Steven's hand. "It would help negate some of the effects."

"I'm in better shape than I was. My heart's not in the same imminent danger. We have more time. We don't need to do that."

"Not yet."

"Not yet," Steven agreed, implying that he'd changed his stance from never to admitting there is a threshold where it may be necessary. "Besides, the threat alone has sobered me up enough for now."

Steven turned his attention back to Connie as Pink appeared to be back to thinking. "How long do you think it will take him to think of a solution?"

"Oh, we already have a solution. He's just trying to think of an alternate option. "

"What is the solution?"

"Brain damage." Steven sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back on the couch, still firmly gripping Pink's hand. "Cut that part out and then healing can regrow it from specs."

"We'd have to cut open your head?"

"Well, Garnet could just crush that part if my skull if she wants to, but she'll have to really go for it because if the part malfunctioning isn't sufficiently damaged, she'd have to do it again. " A giggle escaped, but he tried to stifle it, adding, "or I suppose Pearl could jam a spear into my skull in the right place." Another, less stifled laugh, "she might enjoy it as revenge for not including her earlier. "

"I would not..."

During the last few minutes, Connie was texting her mom. Receiving an answer, Connie spoke to the group, "Mom says she's prepping an operating room and we should get going to the hospital now." When everybody looked at her in surprise, Connie added, "how do you people keep forgetting my mom is a doctor? We won't be stabbing a spear into my boyfriend's head nor crushing his skull. A professional in a sterile environment will cause the minimum amount of damage necessary to fix this."

"You're so sexy when you're smart, so like all the time. "

"Flirt with me when you're sober and your life isn't on the line." Connie admonished, as they made their way outside. 

Pink said, "I'm going to have to suppress all healing so that any cuts she makes don't heal before she's done" and then he and Steven combined once again into a single entity. 

Internally Steven asked, 'will we still be in contact?", fearing the answer. 

Pink replied, "the only way I know to stop healing you is to separate. " Pink could feel the wave of fear that washed over Steven and added, "but I'll stay as close as I possibly can and the instant she's done, we'll be connected again."

"You take over piloting my body and I'm going to try to let myself drift into the drunk feeling instead of resisting it so that I don't have a panic attack. "

"Understood," beside him, Connie noticed Steven's eyes started to glow pink and figured it was to help keep him in control while 'drunk'.

Once they reached the hospital, Greg having driven the group there in his van, Dr Maheswaren met them at the entrance. She only paused briefly to absorb that he'd changed in appearance before addressing the group. "Most of you will have to wait in the waiting room," she took Steven by the shoulder and sat him in a wheelchair, "the patient and one person to direct me to the problem will come with me. "

Steven continued to hold Connie's hand, despite seemingly out of it, some part of him refused to let her go. 

Dr Maheswaren noted her daughter still locked hands with her patient and asked, "are you going to be the one guiding me?"

Before Connie could reply, the pink glow to Steven's eyes faded as Pink unfused with Steven, though not losing touch of him yet, "actually she's his emotional support human. I'm gonna guide you."

"And who, or what, are you?"

"I'm the physical manifestation of the conciousness contained in Steven's gem. The name I'm called is Pink"

"Alright, 'Pink', do you know what the area you affected is called?"

"I don't really know much about medical stuff and in hindsight I know that makes for a very good reason I shouldn't have tampered with anything but it just seemed so straight forward that place X does y when z is happening so just make place x do y...I mean it seemed that straightforward..."

"What were you trying to do?"

"Trying to get his body to create pleasure to dampen some of the pain he's constantly experiencing."

Part of Dr Maheswaren filed that away for later to deal with the concern that fact induced so she could focus on what she worried may be the task at hand. "Roughly where was the part of the brain you tampered?" Please don't say the middle, she pleaded loudly inside her head.

"There's this area in roughly the very center of the brain..."

Dr Maheswaren interrupted with a sigh, "It's called the ventral tegmental area."

She forced herself not to bitterly laugh at the hope she saw in Pink's eyes at her knowing what the area was called. He continued, "I overstimulated the area and its producing its substance in overdrive."

"Dopamine. It produces dopamine."

"It is over producing dopamine and I cannot get it to stop and my powers don't recognize it as injured or sick and so the only way I can fix it is I know how it should be built. If we remove or damage the area, I can grow it back and it would grow back how it should be."

As they were still standing in the entrance area and none had moved to the waiting room, Dr Maheswaren sighed and said, "all of you, come with me to an examination room." Connie and Pink each took one handle of the wheelchair and while their other hands remained holding Steven's hands, they pushed the wheelchair in unison. 

"First of all, let's take a look at Steven," Dr Maheswaren brought a stool to sit in front of Steven's wheelchair. She noticed Steven didn't seem aware of his surroundings and seemed slumped against the back of the wheelchair. She tried saying his name; no reaction. Light in eyes, no pupil response. Pulse feels slightly erratic, but not in any extreme. Blood pressure elevated. She addressed the room, "did he immediately become like this?"

Connie spoke first, "no, he was originally giggling a lot and seeming almost like if he had taken drugs or something-"

"Is there any chance he did?"

"No," came the swift reply from several directions. It wouldn't be the first time a teenager was using drugs with the family unaware, but she also knew Steven and so she mentauhlly placed that possibility on the bottom of her list, but still on it. She gestured for Connie to continue.

"He was still self aware and making jokes and he kind of flopped around..."

"Flopped around?"

"Like he was slouching back on the couch or falling over sideways to lean against me kind of limp."

"And he slowly lost feeling in his extremities," Pink added. 

"Can you be certain that the area of the brain is still what's causing the problem?"

"What else could it be?"

"I know from previous discussions that Steven's powers have an emotional component. Is it possible that he might somehow, I'm sure unintentionally, be causing this?"

Pink looked down at Steven and then found himself locking eyes with Connie. A look shared between them that read, it is a possibility. 

Connie turned to her mother, "I'm not saying that is the case here, but if it is, what should we do? I don't think he can even hear us anymore, so I don't know how we could reach him to pull him out of it "

Dr Maheswaren gazed pointedly at both pairs of joined hands. 

"I could let go and see if the unbearableness draws him out," Pink offered hesitantly, both due to not wanting to torment Steven as well as the horrible way it would affect himself as well. He really hoped someone had a better idea.

"I think I have a better idea." Pink mentally thanked the stars for that before Connie continued, "can't you just fuse back together and reach him that way?"

Pink shook his head, "he was worried he'd have a panic attack and make things worse so he'd already receded into some deep part of his mind that's separate from mine. I have no way to get to it... unless... Since he and I are not a normal fusion, I don't need his agreement in either direction. It's more like full permanent agreement on that and only strong objection might stop it. I wonder if my willingness would be enough to fuse with someone..."

Before Pink could even go further in the thought or speculate on the possible best choice to try it with, Connie had her free hand open and offered to him, "Let's see if I can get in there and drag him back to the world."

If Pink had managed to get far enough in his thoughts first, he would also have concluded that Connie would be the best choice, it was just his nature that he was more inclined to try to review all possible options before choosing. So it just took a brief moment for him to jump the track of his current thoughts to this new one introduced by Connie.

Pink took her offered hand and synced by their mutual love of Steven, glowed and shifted until a catatonic Stevonnie now sat in the wheelchair.

Connie and Pink found themselves alone in the open plain of the conciousness. It was laid out differently than when it was just Pink and Steven, so Pink took a moment to reorient himself. "This way, I think."

They approached a wall that seemed to continue to infinity in every direction. It seemed made of something shimmery and semi opaque like a tinted glass. They couldn't see clearly through it but enough to see vague shapes hinting at another environment. Connie might've expected it to be tinted pink, like so many of his things are, but it was green. A deep green like the foliage in a vast forest. Connie supposed it made sense that he wouldn't be pink for the part of himself separate from his gem. While Pink seemed to be evaluating the appearance of the wall as a whole,

Connie tentatively reached out and touched the wall. It was warm and seemed to vibrate slightly with a rthymn that seemed likely to be his heartbeat. She also felt like it radiated an aura of... she didn't have a word for the particular mix of sadness, loneliness, self-hatred and a tinge of an anger underneath. She removed her hand and took a step back as Pink took a step forward to try his luck on the wall.

Pink had never tried to enter this secret sanctum of his other half, respecting that everyone needs a place to be alone with their own thoughts. Especially within their own mind. Pink felt pained at the swirl of emotion that radiated from the wall. He hated that he didn't know how to help his human half and wished he knew how to improve his abilities to better alleviate Steven's pain.

In her analysis, Connie stepped forward to touch the wall as Pink stepped back. For the briefest moment, the wall felt less solid before firming back up to how it felt before. Inspiration hit and she said, "touch the wall again," while keeping her own hands on the wall as well. 

As Pink's hand made contact with the wall, it continued to move forward a bit. The wall was still solid but instead of a rigid structure it now had some give to it, like it had turned to rubber.

Connie tested the strength, pushing as hard as she could, and managed to create a dent in the wall. But, she couldn't penetrate it and the dent popped back out as it followed the movement of her hand retracting. 

Dragging fingertips along the wall, Pink moved closer to Connie. The wall seemed to soften the closer he got until he was standing beside Connie. It felt more like a thick plastic curtain, like perhaps they could push through hard enough to thin an area and break through, but Pink didn't want to take away Steven's private sanctuary with a breach that might remain long after their visit. 

Connie was thinking something similar, not wanting to tear the barrier, no matter how much it had thinned, it was still an indication of Steven's wanting to keep them out. She would prefer a solution that wouldn't violate that completely reasonable request. 

"Pink?" she said to see if they could strategize together to a solution, but Pink was so deep in thought, trying to analyze all possible options that he didn't seem to hear her. Connie lightly placed a touch to Pink's shoulder while they both still had a single hand on the wall. Both gasped as they felt the barrier dissolve away from their touch. Connie's hand had moved away from Pink and the wall seemed to be reforming. Ever the problem-solver, Connie tested her fingers grazing Pink's arm and then lifting off and noted the walls reactions.

She was about to verbalize her theory when Pink spoke, "it appears I did bring the best choice with me." He offered Connie his hand to hold. She accepted it and they both easily walked through the wall-shaped mist.

\-------------

They found themselves surrounded by plants. There were many different types of artfully placed flowers, trees and bushes in an almost Garden of Eden type layout. As they walked through the path, they saw that they were in a dome somewhere in space. They found Steven sitting with his back against one of the large pillars that defined the main walkway. He had his arms around his drawn up legs and seemed to be just staring at a random spot on the ground. 

Connie and Pink walked towards Steven and the only indication he gave that he was even aware of their presence was when they'd nearly reached him, Steven quietly spoke, "What do you think of the garden?"

Connie knelt down beside Steven, "It's beautiful."

"It's amazing. Is this-"

"Yeah, it's Pink Diamond's garden where Spinel spent 6000 years. This is just some ideas of how to restore it."

"Is that something you're hoping to do some day?"

Steven shrugged, "Maybe. I've also thought about bringing Peridot here to see if she'd like to make it a project with her students. Kind of weird my safe space is somewhere that someone was abandoned at for 6000 years, right?"

"I guess that's one way to assure you're never disturbed. "

"So, do you know if you might somehow be telling your brain to keep pumping out dopamine?"

Still not taking his eyes off the ground, "I wouldn't be surprised. It did occur as an idea but I don't know one way or the other for sure." 

"Why didn't you leave here and suggest it?"

Steven sat quietly, not answering. They knew that was a common clue for when he didn't want to say something but also didn't want to lie.

"Steven, I didn't come all this way to be ignored."

Steven finally lifted his head and turned to face her. "I'm not ignoring you, I just know you won't like the answer." With a pointed look from Connie that said she knew that, Steven sighed and continued, "I was hoping you'd still go through with surgery."

"Why would you want unnecessary surgery? And this better not be something like you hoped you'd die on the table. And for a lot of reasons, not least of which is how bad it would be for my mom to have that guilt put on her."

"I wasn't trying to die... well, not exactly." Steven went back to staring at the ground, hugging his legs in tighter. "I was hoping there might be brain damage. Not extreme or anything, but enough that maybe I lose some of my memories."

"Steven! You know even if that happened, there's no guarantee that the lost memories would be the bad ones. What if you forgot ever knowing me?" The garden suddenly dropped in temperature so much that Connie was sure their breath would be visible if they were in a real place. "Didn't occur to you, did it?"

Steven didn't move, but tears started falling from his eyes. In a cracked voice he choked out, "It did not."

Pink couldn't take the pain he was feeling from Steven any longer and knelt down and pulled Steven into a hug. Steven leaned into the hug and closed his eyes. "Oh, Steven," Connie joined in on the hug.

Everyone was still in the exam room except Dr Maheswaren, who had other patients that needed care. She told Garnet to text her when they reappeared.

Stevonnie suddenly took a deep breath and then turned to light and then Steven was sitting in the wheelchair and Connie was once again standing beside it.

"Where's Pink?"

"He was needed elsewhere, " responded Connie as she gave Steven's arm a little squeeze.


	3. Alternate Versions of Discovery of Bleeding Ulcers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is some early versions of how everyone discovered Steven's stomach issues as well as the White Diamond thing
> 
> I put symbols like ////// when it splits several different ways and then another matching symbol in front of the different runs
> 
> Again, not claiming this is great or even good, but it's some previous versions for anyone curious.

With a fake band, stage and equipment, they found Steven singing “I'm Not Okay” by My Chemical Romance. Steven didn't notice that the gems, Connie & his father had snuck into his room from a different area of the temple until he finished the song and Amethyst clapped and yelled, “Tell us how you really feel!”

“Why are you guys in here?”

“We were worried when you went in here an hour ago and still hadn't come back out.”

“Worried I got hurt? I'm literally surrounded by clouds. I don't think there's any possible danger. I just thought this would be a less obtrusive place for me to sing. You're not missing out on anything. I'm not writing anything and I'm not performing anything I've written before. It's basically just loud karaoke.”

“We'd still like to listen in if you're not done.”

//////

“Okay, but just keep in mind these aren't my songs and I've never practiced them and I'm not even sure if they work with my voice.”

“Steven, wait, are you okay?”

“Do any of you need chairs or anything?”

Connie walked up to him, “Don't ignore me. Answer my question.”

“I'm f-” Steven stopped himself from lying and saying he was fine. He tried to think of something he could say that would downplay how he felt without actually lying. “I'm not feeling amazing”

“How not-amazing are you?”

"Sigh...Do you really need details?” at a stern look from Connie, Steven rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, my stomach hurts...and I'm a little dizzy.”

“We should have Mom check you out.”

“I think that's an overreaction.”

“Well, how long has your stomach hurt?”

“I really don't want to answer that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm pretty sure you're gonna be mad about it.” Connie continued looking at him expectantly, “It's been a couple...years.”

“Years?”

“Give or take.”

“That's definitely something you should get checked out!”

“I don't need to get it checked out. I've got a pretty good idea what caused it.”

“And what was that?”

“You don't need to worry about it. It's not a big deal and it's probably just psychosomatic anyway.”

Connie had a look of deep thought, “Around a couple years ago and maybe psychological...”

Steven got a worried look on his face and said, “Or, you know what? Maybe I'm just sleep-eating pinecones and broken glass.”

Connie's eyes widened, “Is this because White-” Steven put a hand over Connie's mouth.

“Don't. Just don't. You're the only one who knows about that, unless you told them.”

The gems and Greg, who were already concerned were now gathering closer with worry.

Connie grabbed Steven's wrist and moved his hand off her mouth and asked, disbelieving, “You never talked to them about it? I figured we didn't talk about it because you didn't think I'd understand but I'd assumed you'd at least talk to the Gems about it.”

“Steven, what is she talking about?”

×××××××××××

Steven briefly look toward Pearl, “It's not important. Don't worry about it,” and then Steven turned his attention back to Connie, “They don't need to know. How would them knowing about that help anything?”

Amethyst looked at Greg and the other gems, “They can see us, right? We haven't turned invisible or something?”

“For one, then you could talk to them about it and work through it and maybe that'll help your stomach pain,” Connie got a look like something just occurred to her, “and maybe also help end the nightmares.”

Steven took a step back, limited by Connie's hand still holding his wrist, “How do you know about those?”

“Because a couple times recently, I think you've pulled me into them.”

Steven's eyes widened with worry, “I didn't know I was doing that. Sorry.”

“It's okay, until now I'd just assumed that something had triggered me to have it on my mind. But your mind starting to reach out is a good indication it knows you need to talk about it.

About to burst, Greg suddenly shouted, “Will someone just tell us!”

Eyes still locked on Connie, Steven said, “White Diamond ripped me in half.”

+++++++++

Everyone was eerily silent until Pearl finally just yelled, “WHAT?”

Steven started to back towards the door to the room, “Talk to Connie if you have questions. I'm not talking about it.” One of his hands was unconsciously protecting his stomach and his other motioned for everyone to stay back.

Connie ignored Steven's cautioning hand and continued towards him, “Steven, you're really pale and I'm worried about you.”

As Steven backed out of the temple, he started coughing. He also didn't notice Lion behind him until he had literally backup up against him. As everyone else exited the temple after Steven, his coughing worsened and he was leaning back against Lion just to stay somewhat upright.

Greg held up placating hands, “Steven, you need to try to calm down.”

Steven double over, only stopped from falling forward by Lion grabbing the back of Steven's shirt as Steven started vomiting blood. And then, everything went black.

+++++++++

Connie clarified, “She removed his gem.”

“I felt every cell in my body ripped in two, I think ripped in half is an accurate description.”

Somewhat quietly, Connie said, “I wasn't disagreeing.”

Steven continued ignoring everyone but Connie, “I'm not suggesting you were.” Everyone was still trying to digest what they'd just heard.

$$$$$$$$

+++++++++

Steven started backing away from everyone. “It's not important.”

Connie turned towards the others, “It is important. You should know and Steven, you need to talk about it.”

“I'm not joking. I'm not talking about it and Connie, they don't need to hear about it.”

“Steven,” Connie took his hands in hers to stop his inching towards the door. “You need to face this.”

Steven's legs buckled and he sat on the floor. “I'm going to be sick” and he bent his head down onto his knees as he put his arms over top his head. Trying to curl himself into as tight of a ball as possible.

Connie knelt down beside him, putting a comforting arm around him and looked up at the others. “White removed Steven's gem.”

The stillness was eerily unnatural as everyone processed this.

//////

Looking slightly irritated, Steven remarks, “Fine, but these are just other people's songs. Don't read anything into them or anything. And just leave when you get bored because I'm not going to pay any attention to performance, I've never practiced these songs before and they probably aren't even ideal for my voice. And to help me ignore you, Room, fill in the area with an audience.”  
Then, Steven got back up on the stage and went back to singing, never looking toward his family. Set list: The Black Parade (My Chemical Romance), _____

After finishing that song, Steven said, “Room, replace everything with just covering the floor with fluffy pillows for laying on.” As the room complied, Steven just let himself fall back onto the pillows. 

Connie, Greg & the gems walked over and sat around Steven. “I'm surprised all of you are still in here, I couldn't have been very entertaining.”

Connie had sat near Steven's head, she started playing with his hair, “Why wouldn't we want to enjoy watching a rock god?”

Steven chuckled, “If you want to see a rock god, I'd need to fuse with dad again. We were awesome.”

Greg smiled, “Hey, Stu-ball, anytime you want, I'm game.”

“Definitely a plan, though not today because I'm pretty beat,” and it was obvious to see because Steven was having trouble even keeping his eyes open.

“So I guess we should get out of here.”

“Oh, right. Room, I need the door to exit.” And the door appeared & opened.

Connie started to stand when she noticed that Steven wasn't making any move to get up, “Aren't you going to get up to go to bed?”

“Why go to bed when I could just sleep here?”

“Well for one, if anything happens, it'd be hard for us to get to you to help you.”

Steven sighed, “Pearl, I'm still not clear on what dangers you think I should be worried about in here.”

Connie had sat back down as soon as it became obvious Steven wasn't planning to get up, and she'd been watching him closely. She used a hand to turn Steven's head towards herself and his slight flinch confirmed her suspicions. “You didn't just stop because you were tired.” She said it as a statement of fact.

“What?” Steven had lost practice at feigning innocence because he abandoned the attempt after the single word, Sigh "it's no big deal, I'm just dizzy.” Steven closed his eyes and put an arm across his face, his other hand casually resting on his abdomen.

“You said you are dizzy, not you were dizzy.” Connie accused. “It hasn't gone away since you laid down?”

Steven hesitated to reply as he internally struggled between his tendency to automatically downplay anything wrong and his promise to Connie not to lie to her. He finally sighed and admitted, “It's actually gotten worse. I feel like I might throw up.”

Connie lifted Steven's arm off his face, causing Steven to open his eyes and make eye contact with her. “Anything else you'd like to confess?”

Everyone had gathered around Steven and was looking at him expectantly. Steven gave a weak attempt at deflection by replying, “Nothing...new.”

“Steven...” Connie was still holding Steven's arm and her tone meant business.

In complete acceptance of defeat, Steven admitted, “I mean, it's no big deal, but my stomach hurts.”

Pearl knelt beside Steven, “Define 'hurts'.”

“Like it's full of broken glass and nails.”

“When you say not new, did it feel like that when Mom examined you? And did you mention it?”

“She was looking at why I was glowing and swelling, and that was a new thing, so it didn't seem relevant.”

“So it's been since before that?! How long has your stomach hurt?”

Steven closed his eyes and said, “Just a couple...years...” Everyone gasped.

“A couple years!?”

“...give or take...” Steven mumbled as he sat up, clutching his stomach. “I know you might think I”m trying to change the subject but I think I'm going to-” and Steven started throwing up, but everyone was horrified because he was vomiting blood.


	4. Alternate Starts of Diamond Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before various changes in the story, some scenes were clearer to me than others and so I wrote out what I could just do that I wouldn't forget things, but then the direction of the story went another way and these never were used. 
> 
> I will say ***SPOILERS*** because some aspects of some of this chapter may or may not have been incorporated into the main story in parts not yet released, so just a heads-up on that

Sitting on the couch, protectively holding his arms over his gem, Steven just stared at nothing. Suddenly, Steven was startled by hearing Connie being greeted. He turned to see her and said, “No, you weren't supposed to come over today! You were supposed to have two whole days to focus completely on school and not worry about me!”

Connie came and sat beside Steven on the couch. She gently reached over to take his hand in hers and said, “Don't worry, I was very efficient and I got a lot done. My schoolwork isn't suffering at all. And when Dr. Hashman called, he said you were talking about...what White Diamond did...”

Steven leaned back & curled into himself. He quietly said to her, “I was but I'm done talking about it. I told them if they have any questions that they should ask you instead.”

///////

“I hate her for what she did to all of you, too” Connie replied as she hugged him to her. A brief glow and then it was no longer Steven & Connie, but Stevonnie sitting on the couch with tears in their eyes.

Stevonnie stood up and took a couple steps towards where the gems were standing and addressed them, “Steven is worried that you'll judge him because he's always talking about love and forgiveness and family and yet he thinks he kind of still hates White Diamond for what she did to you and to him.”

Pearl spoke up, “It's perfectly understandable that Steven, and even Connie, would feel strong emotions about what happened.”

Stevonnie nodded, “And that's why Steven is going to – no I won't! You need to-” Stevonnie suddenly split back into Steven & Connie.

“I'm not going to confront her!”

Connie held up a placating hand, “We would be with you for support, right guys?”

“It doesn't matter! I don't need to confront her!...I could just tell her not to come back to Earth and I won't go back to Homeworld...”

“You can't just avoid things, that's part of what caused you problems in the first place, isn't it?”

“Nothing good will come from a confrontation! I'll either be too scared to speak or I might attack her and neither option helps anything.” Connie took a step towards Steven and his super speed kicked on and he quickly ran up the stairs and took the warp to Pink Diamond's garden.

He reached a column in the garden and slid his back down it until he was sitting on the ground. That's when he realized he had a purple bracelet that he hadn't put on himself. Amethyst shifted back into herself and said, “Garnet saw this coming.” She then looked around and asked, “Where the heck are we?”

“...this is the garden where Mom left Spinel for 6000 years. I wanted to go somewhere that I knew nobody would be around...”  
“Well that didn't work out for you, did it?” Amethyst laughed then sat down in front of Steven and became more serious, “So, what are you thinking, buddy?”  
Steven stared at the ground, “I don't want to talk about it.”  
“Didn't you tell me that, even though you resent it in the moment, afterwards you feel better when I've made you open up?”  
“Even someone pitching a perfect game can accidentally let a home-run get through. I think this could be that.”  
“What would be so bad about telling White Diamond that what she did was wrong and how it affected you?”  
“What would be so good about it?”  
“Well, for one, you could get closure. And maybe stop the nightmares.”

/////  
“And maybe it won't and I'll just end up still having nightmares, but with the added bonus of a giant diamond deciding she hates the Earth again.”  
“Do you really think that telling White Diamond that she hurt you would cause her to attack the earth?”  
“I don't know. The only thing I do know is that when I try to even picture being in the same room with her again, my heart starts racing and I can't breathe and I alternate between feeling like I just want to curl up in a hole somewhere and other times fantasizing about...hurting her.” Steven had a little catch in his breath before clarifying, “I don't even really mean fantasizing, it's more like I'm picturing losing control of myself again and I that I won't be able to stop myself from trying to get some sort of revenge. I don't like to think of myself as somebody vengeful, but I also never thought I'd be someone who shattered anyone.”  
Amethyst flinched a little at the reminder that Steven had shattered Jasper.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  
“Imagine if I asked you to place your gem between two metal plates and they were attached to a machine that could make them slam the plates together hard enough to crush you. And there's a button to make it do that but also a random electric surge could set it off, would you be able to do that?”  
“I would trust that if you were asking me to do it, that it was safe because I trust you.”  
//////

Steven looked at her, sighed, and said, “Help me up” and reached out his hand.

Amethyst took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “And I'll be right by you.”

They warped directly to Homeworld where the other gems, Connie, his dad and even Dr Hashman were waiting. “I hope this is future vision and not just that I'm massively predictable,” Steven grumbled as he started walking toward the palace.

Halfway to White Diamond, Steven said, “Wait, give me just a minute.” and he slid down a wall, holding his stomach, “I feel like I'm going to puke so just give me a minute, okay?” However, after a few minutes, Steven stood up again and said, “It seems my stomach is not going to calm down so we might as well just get this over with.” And he resumed walking towards White Diamond's room.

Arriving in White Diamond's room, they found her sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Hello, Steven. I see you've come with an entire group of people! To what do I owe this visit?”

“Yeah, um...I'm here because they,” he gestured to the group, “think I should talk to you.”

With a slight furrow of confusion on her brow, White Diamond asked, “And why is that, Steven?”

Not actually looking at her, Steven began, “You remember the last time I was here and I...thought about making you slam your head through a pillar?”

With a little shudder of remembering that unpleasant encounter, White Diamond replied, “Yes”

“Well...did you wonder why I was thinking that?”

“I assumed it was just another symptom of the meltdown that led to you turning into a monster.”

Steven cringed slightly at the reminder and said, “Well, yeah, it kind of was but still, did you wonder why I might've had that thought specifically about you?”

“For the ways I harmed the galaxy before you changed my mind and showed me the error of my ways?”

“...that might be part of it, but can you think of anything I might specifically be upset with you about?” As White Diamond appeared to struggle to attempt to recall anything, Steven turned to his entourage, asking “Do we really need to continue? What is this going to accomplish?”

Connie opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get any words out, White Diamond, “Are you referring how I treated your mother?”

Turning to look back at White Diamond with a glare, Steven responded, “It is irritating that something that's given me nightmares for years is so hard for you to even remember as anything significant.” Steven crossed his arms and angrily said, “I'm talking about when you made my family puppets to hold Connie & I in place so that you could pick me up and rip out my gem!”


	5. Unexpected Gem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a weird scene that just came to me as I was moving some decorative items around in my house and one of them is a yellowish quartz sphere about a hands width in diameter. I don't know if I might find a use for the concept, but for now it's just a weird stand alone scene

Pink awoke to find Green sitting up with his back to him. He was maintaining contact by a leg touching his. Green turned and glanced at Pink, keeping his body facing away. Green was up to something. "Good morning," Green says.

"Good morning. Why are you sitting over there?" Pink can feel a hint of panic and a lot of worry coming from Green. 

"I'm worried you're going to be upset."

Pink sat up and could see that Green seemed to be cradling something in front of himself, and blocking it from view. "Why would I be upset?"

Green shifts slightly to turn a little more towards Pink, but keeping whatever he was holding still out of view. "Because I want to show you something, but I think you'll freak out and take it away from me."

"Take what?" Pink asked, already down the path towards freaked out.

"#sigh# I woke up about half an hour ago and I was holding something, but I don't know where it came from." Green shifted a little more, still mostly wrapping his arms around something, like he was trying to prevent Pink taking it, but moving his arms just enough so that Pink could see what it was. 

Pink acted faster than thought. His brain sending his hands out to grab the item the nanosecond it registered what the item was. Green was holding a spherical gem. Despite Green's attempt to prevent it, there was no problem to obtain the sphere which appeared to be made of quartz.

"Give it back!" Green demanded, "I want to keep it!"

Pink ignored Green's protest, bubbling the gem but not sending it away, picking Green up under one arm and unlocking and exiting their bedroom door. He brought the bubbled gem to rest on his free hand, Green still under the other arm, and hurried downstairs. Fortunately, all three of their closest gems were in the living room because they'd had a day long movie marathon planned with them (for after their scheduled daily scan with Peridot)

The gems jumped up from the couch, startled by Pink's sudden rushed appearance. "Do you know what this is?" Pink asked, holding out the bubbled gem towards them while Green continued to struggle and demand its return.

The gems stared at the bubble sphere. Garnet asked, "Where did it come from?"

"Its mine!" Green demanded, while Pink calmly told them what Green had told him about waking up with it held in his arms. 

The gems had very concerned expressions as they took in both the strange gem as well as Green's uncharacteristic behavior. "Green," Garnet addressed him, "Why do you want this item?"

"Because it's mine." Green replied, eyes locked on the floating sphere. As Pearl took the bubble into her hands to more closely examine the sphere, "Don't hurt it!" Green yelled in a panicked voice, struggling again in Pink's grip. It would be comical if he didn't seem so panicked. 

Garnet placed a hand on Green's face, attempting to gain more of his attention, Green looked at her, but kept glancing towards Pearl and the unidentified object. Garnet spoke, "Green, please look at me." Green begrudgingly complied, though she could tell he was struggling to not look away back towards the sphere. "So, you woke up and were holding it?"

"Yes, so it's mine," Green insisted. 

Since the Why question just got the it's mine response, Garnet tried another tactic, "What do you plan to do with it if we return it to you?"

"I want to hold it." Green replied in a tone that implied he felt it was obvious. 

Garnet would've eye-rolled if she wasn't so worried, "And then what?"

Green looked confused by the question. "I want to keep it forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to suggest if I should do anything with this, I'm open to suggestions or ideas. Otherwise, it's just a very short little scene.


End file.
